Boys and girls, have we got a show for you!
Listen, you're probably not invited to the ceremony. Almost nobody is. We're getting married by a Justice-of-the-Peace friend of ours and it's really not going to be anything spectacular. You're not missing anything.
But the reception is going to be friggin' amazing!
Some of you will remember Tim and Michelle Coli's awesome wedding. Well, this will be like that but much less fancy and much noisier.
We've got a night lined up that we think reflects our lives. There's going to be lots of weird and awesome food, tonnes of live music, and a fine sampling of beer brewed in our garage by the groom, his brother Nate, and the esteemed Julian Mosley.
I'm not sure where Erin found the guy who is catering the reception, but the menu he has come up with is bizarre. It's a hodge-podge of Mexican- and Asian-influenced dishes (including a taco bar!) dreamed up by a chef who clearly has a background in French cuisine. But don't worry; if you're a meat-and-potatoes kind of eater, there's going to be meat and potatoes, too.
We really will be serving some home-brewed beer at the wedding. I know what you're thinking, (Awww, homebrew! Yuck!) but our homebrew is actually good. You'll taste it, you'll be shocked at how drinkable it is, you'll guzzle it, and then you'll be disappointed that you can't get a second one because hey, we're brewing the stuff in my friggin' garage, do you think we can make enough to supply a wedding? Then you'll be sad when you have to drink other booze made by actual experts in actual booze factories and not our hop nectar made with love by three chumps in a filthy garage.
We are having (at last count) four different live bands coming to entertain us. Most of the musicians are our friends, so try to be nice to them.
Starting us off will be a jazz quintet featuring Erin's brother Andrew, our friend Amanda Tosoff on keyboard, and a couple of horn players we'll round up just before the show. Seriously, jazz horn players are like pigeons in Vancouver -- we'll just go down to the park with a couple of mickeys of vodka, and we'll come back with two decent horn players in fifteen minutes. If you're a musician and want to join the band for a tune, let us know.
The second band will be Knifey Spoony, which is led by our buddies Jesse and Callum. Knifey Spoony has been through a rough patch lately, losing several band members to emigration, (I don't mean the Department of Immigration -- I mean they left town) so we don't know who will be playing with Jesse and Callum, but we can be sure they'll be awesome. Knifey Spoony is a Django-gypsy-jazz-prog-rock band, but not like any of the other Django-gypsy-jazz-prog-rock bands you've ever seen before, so don't come in with too many preconceptions.
Our third act is the world famous 80s cover band, Crucial Taunt, featuring Erin's sister Cait on vocals and the bride herself on sax. The rest of the band is too numerous for me to feel like listing here, but they're all our friends, so be nice, especially to wee Cassidy, who is smaller and blonder than the rest of us and will probably be a little spooked. And be warned: men tend to fall in love with Cait when they see her singing, so keep a close watch on your husbands and sons. She's taken.
Then, finally, we will allow all of our friends to get off the stage so they can dance to our very well-paid closing act, Soulstream. These princes of funk are coming to our wedding all the way from other parts of Vancouver and I hear they're excellent and very danceable.
There will be snacks served around midnight. Then at 1:00, we'll all be kicked out of the venue because the fun police won't license us any later than that.
Sound like fun? Did you say no? What are you, a corpse? I can't imagine anything sounding more fun than that!
Some people.
